a few thoughts on our process… part 1

Over the next few days, I’d like to take the chance to open up and share some of the ways I’ve seen God work in our family since we’ve been home.  I never gave much thought to our having to be home raising support as something worth updating people on, but I’ve gotten a bigger perspective on it in the last few months.  Now that our Visas aren’t here, and we’re stuck, I’d like to take the opportunity to write about these moments.  Here’s the first entry.

About two weeks ago, I finally hit the wall spiritually.  We weren’t reaching our funding goal, and I was beginning to wonder if we were going to have to stay another month in the States.  In some ways, I felt like God had just simply left me out to dry.  And then I just, broke down!  So around eleven o’clock, I got in the car, and began driving into town.  In my fifteen minute commute, I remember screaming at God, “IF you called… and IF you want us back, then YOU have to do this… I have tried everything, I have worked my fingers to the bone… so what now?”  You know, those midnight hour sorts of screams.  I wept.  I prayed.  I finally gave up control… because there was nothing left to do.

Then I called my friend who let me talk nonsense about God not caring in his ear for an hour.  As I drove home, I felt like God had met me in a fresh way.  Finally I felt like I was hearing clearly again.  It was as if God said, “so… you done yelling now?  Are you ready for me to help?”  Tears in my eyes, I think I got to that place in my walk with Him where I’ve heard so many others who have gone before me talk about.  That place of total dependency and brokenness.  Honestly, we NEVER start there.  Why would we?  It’s painful, it reveals our flaws and our own brokenness… but it’s where God takes His people so that they can stand where He’s called them to.  What happened over the next few days blew my mind… I’m only now able to write about it…

Advertisements

One thought on “a few thoughts on our process… part 1

  1. “That place of total dependency and brokenness. Honestly, we NEVER start there. Why would we? It’s painful, it reveals our flaws and our own brokenness… but it’s where God takes His people so that they can stand where He’s called them to.”

    Amen.

    And praise God for cars to scream in at night!!

    Love you guys. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s